If you ever want to know how NOT to do a juice fast, stop reading and click the arrow at the top left of the screen NOW…if you’re simply curious then by all means please continue on.

SOOO, hands up if you’ve ever done a juice detox diet? Guilty.

I know…me? Why? I can’t answer this. Actually I can, but it’s not a valid reason worth discussing, but two thing’s for sure and that is ‘NEVER AGAIN!’.

Little did I know before I delved into what was probably one of the most horrendous (let’s not forget to add traumatic, sickening and mentally distressing) experiences of my tender twenteen-year-old life, is that just like looking left then right before you cross the road and potentially get crushed to smithereens from a car soaring down a dual carriageway at 40mph’s, your body needs to be prepared before detoxifying it of all things solid and yummy!

Maybe I’m exaggerating…but flying out of my sleep at 2am with the remnants of last night’s juice meal shooting up your oesophagus isn’t exactly the sexiest feeling in the world. Scratch that, it’s DIRE.

That’s the thing with us young people, we get so excited about the latest venture we’re about to embark on, we forget to find out the facts…well, speak for myself.

So for those of you still wondering what on earth a juice fast is (which I hope you are still wondering since Skool Girls, in my opinion don’t need to be concerned with‘detox diets’, it’s a type of detox diet that involves consuming ONLYraw vegetable, fruit juice and water. Doesn’t sound too complex does it? Written text can be deceiving.

I wish somebody had told me that…

1. My Diet Needs A Make-over
Prior to my ‘3 days of disaster’, I was supposed to prepare 3 days in advance, abandoning sugar, dairy, wheat, meat, artificial sweeteners, trans fats, and packaged, boxed, canned and fast food. Instead, I needed to up my intake of raw vegetable salads and lightly steamed vegetables. So one could only wonder why the night before I started the fast, I was stuffing my face silly at a Steak House with a glass of hot Chocomel, a plate of chicken pizza and a bowl of greasy fries?

2. I Can Drink Water During My Fast?
Why is the obvious so unobvious to me? I must be the smartest dumbest person alive, but I really thought during a ‘juice fast’you could only drink juice! Ironically I’m a water baby and drinking it was a part of my ‘normal’daily routine before the fast anyway. It turns out your body needs plenty of water during a detox diet… at least eight glasses! It’s no wonder I felt so faint half the time, the only thing I got right was having a cup of lukewarm lemon water in the morning.

3. The Cupboards Need Clearing of Temptation
I love peanut butter, but staring at it knowing that it couldn’t be in my mouth where it and I both knew it rightfully belonged ALMOST made me poke my eyes out. I mean it would only make sense to get rid of temptations during a detox diet right? But like the normal person who would have probably planned a more appropriate menu for the week including making time to grocery shop…I wasn’t that normal person.

And so the moral of the story is:
1. Don’t EVER follow my example.
2. Always find out the facts.
3. Don’t do a juice fast until your 95, broke and losing the will to live!

(Cover photo via weheartit)