I stood there staring at the numbers. Is this normal? I thought. Should I weigh this much…Am I fat?
12 years later…
I think about how I got so obsessed with the way I looked. “Well you are a little bit fat”, I was told. And that was all it took. The seed was planted in my head and from then on my weight has been something I always think about.
But why wouldn’t I think about my weight, my looks and even my skin colour? We are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfect’people, even if you want to ignore them, it’s impossible. Just the other day I sat down to watch a film with my other half (pain and gain), I got sick of seeing random flashes of half naked bikini clad girls in what is supposed to be a ‘crime-comedy’that after 10 minutes I turned the film off. It then had me thinking ‘would my boyfriend prefer me if I looked like that?’
Sometimes I look in the mirror and just stare at my imperfections – I’d be so much happier if they weren’t there I tell myself. I used to go to school and wish I was someone else; wouldn’t it be cool to be that person, even if it was just for one day? Other girls got loads more attention and I decided that was down to my skin colour, “Indians aren’t beautiful.” I thought. Growing up in the 90s there weren’t any high profile successful Asian women around, and now in 2014 I can only really name a few (Mindy Kaling being one of them).
I don’t know when it happened, but one day I gained confidence. I decided I actually like myself and what’s wrong with liking who you are? Absolutely nothing. Everything I hated about myself is now what I love and accept, because that is what makes me who I am, that is what makes me unique.
I still have my little hang-ups, sometimes when I pass a mirror I look, and stupid thoughts come into my mind. But I remind myself to try and look for things I like about myself, rather than focusing on the negative, because if I can’t love and respect myself – how can I expect someone else to?
(Cover photo via tumblr)