It can be incredibly awkward to say no at times, especially if you’re closest pal has just asked you to read this article and secretly you didn’t really want to! YES…I feel your pain, but keep reading.
If it isn’t your manager at work asking you to work over-time or a friend asking you to go somewhere when you have already made plans, it can seem like your ‘no’ patience is always being tested!
The good news is, you are definitely not alone. In fact I did a little research and it shows that the difficulty of saying ‘no’ is a common problem for most women!
So why does it seem so hard?
Life and Career Coach Marie Wetmore, identifies three common beliefs that stop people from saying no:
- Saying no makes me selfish
If you are juggling your time between school, college, university and your part time job it means you don’t have the time to meet up with your friends, it doesn’t make you selfish to say no, it makes you human. - People will judge me if I say no
Not all people are judgemental, if your friend was having a hard time meeting up with you because they were genuinely busy, would you judge them or would you be understanding? Someone who will judge you because of this probably doesn’t deserve to be your friend. - Saying no is too hard and I just can’t do it
There is no such word as can’t, you are in control of your own life and the decisions you make.
Instead of accepting the above, I say challenge it! Nine times out of ten none of the above are actually true and saying no isn’t such as big of a deal as we make it. Have you ever considered that it may be better to be honest instead of making excuses?
Let’s look at the alternatives, shall we? Below, Marie gives us six useful tips on how to say no:
- Say no kindly but firmly, without explanation:
‘No sorry I can’t make it’.This is an effective way of making your feelings known without beating around the bush or making up excuses. - Say no kindly, with explanations:
‘I don’t think I can, I have taken on a lot of extra hours.’ If you are having this conversation with a friend, it is important to let them know why. However, consider the fact that your life and business is your own, you don’t have to explain yourself. - Say no for now, yes later:
It’s ok for you to do this, maybe you need extra time. - Say no on a long-term basis:
‘I am busy with… right now,’ or ‘no that’s not really my thing.’This cancels out any possibility of you doing something you don’t want to do and stops all the wasting of time in between, it’s a win- win situation. - Say yes with negotiations:
‘I will come shopping, as long as you guys don’t stay out too late, I have college the next day.’Sometimes we need to negotiate to get what we want out of something, make the most out of opportunities, but make sure they suit you too. - Other polite ways of saying no without making excuses or being ambiguous:
‘I’d rather not’, ‘No thank you’, ‘Thank you but I am not interested’‘or ‘Sorry but I cannot do…’
(Cover image via weheartit)
